HOW long, oh thou Credulous One, wilt thou continue to marry for a change; and the lawyers delight in their fees, and the neighbors in their “I-said-so’s”?

For lo, though there be many varieties of men, there is but one kind of husband!

Yea, though a man wed seven times seven times, he maketh not the same mistake twice.

But the woman who weddeth a second time, repeateth her own history.

Verily, verily, if thou wilt but close thine eyes, thou canst not perceive from his words, neither from the cloves upon his breath, nor the ardor of his greeting, whether it be thy first or thy second husband, that kisseth thee.

For one man’s chin is as rough as another ’s, and one man’s lies are as smooth as another ’s.

One man’s razor is as sacred as another ’s, and one man’s excuses are as old as another ’s.

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

AT the second-hand counter thou shalt find many widowers, which have been remodelled by another hand. And these are easy to acquire. Yet an hand-me-down may have been spoiled in the making, and become frayed at the edges of the temper, and shiny on the seamy-side.

But a bachelor who hath passed forty is a remnant; and there is no good material left in him. His sentiments are moth-eaten and his tender speeches shopworn.

His manners shall require much basting and his morals many patches. The gloss hath been rubbed off his illusions and the color hath gone out of his emotions. Yet, a clever damsel shall, peradventure, take one of these and remodel him to seem as new.

For the happiest wife is not she that getteth the best husband, but she that maketh the best of that which she getteth. Verily, verily, an husband is a work of art which must be executed by hand; for there is no factory which turneth them out to order.

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

BEHOLD, my Daughter, the Lord maketh a man – but the wife maketh an husband. For Man is but the raw material whereon a woman putteth the finishing touches.

Yea, and whatsoever pattern of husband thou selectest, thou shalt find him like unto a shop-made garment, which must be trimmed over and cut down, and ironed out, and built up to fit the matrimonial situation.

Verily, the best of husbands hath many raw edges, and many unnecessary pleats in his temper, and many wrinkles in his disposition, which must be removed.

Lo, I charge thee, be wary in thy choice. For, many shall call, but few shall propose. And, a wise damsel shall with difficulty select that which fitteth her disposition and matcheth her tastes — even that which shall not pinch upon the bank account, neither stretch upon the truth, neither shrink nor run nor fade.

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

The grouch knoweth him not and his breakfast always pleaseth him. His mouth is filled with praises for his wife’s cooking. He doth not expect chicken salad from left-over veal, neither the making of lobster patties from an ham-bone.

His wife is known within the gates, when she sitteth among the officers of her Club, by the fit of her gowns and her imported hats. He luncheth meagrely upon a sandwich that he may adorn her with fine jewels. He grumbleth not at the bills.

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

He putteth the cat out by night.

He is not afraid of the cook.

His ashes fall not upon the carpet, and his cigarette burneth not holes in the draperies.

For he doeth his smoking on the piazza.

He weareth everlasting socks and seweth on his own buttons.

His overcoat doeth him two seasons.

Yet, when he ventureth abroad with his wife he donneth a dress suit without grumbling.

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

With his own hands he runneth the lawn mower and washeth the dog.

He layeth his hands to the parlor curtains and putteth up the portieres.

He hooketh up his wife’s dresses up the back, without mutterings.

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

A PERFECT husband, who can find one? for his price is far above gold bonds. The heart of his wife rejoiceth in him, and he shall have no lack of encouragement.

He worketh willingly with his hands and bringeth home all his shekels.

He riseth without calling and lifteth the ice from off the dumbwaiter. He starteth the kitchen range. He considereth his wife, and kisseth her occasionally.

Six days of the week doth he labor for his moneys, and upon the seventh doeth chores within the house for relaxation.

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon

Tags: The Book of Husbands, The Sayings of Mrs. Solomon